


Believer

by deansiris



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-02 12:21:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14544630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deansiris/pseuds/deansiris
Summary: Dean had never thought that he could fall in love again, but that was before he met her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is from Dean's POV.  
> Second chapter is finally up! But this can be read as a stand alone too :)  
> Requests and/or suggestions are open, just comment them here or send an ask to my tumblr @waif-of-the-night  
> Leave a kudos or comment or both if you like what you're reading. They really encourage me and make my day! :D

I never thought I would be feeling this way about anyone ever. Not after Lisa. I just couldn’t afford that. Another heartbreak. Another what if. What if I wasn’t a hunter, what if this wasn’t my life. But I never searched for the answer, I never wanted to. I was too afraid of the answer. I was sure; sure that this was going to be my life. A life with no white-picket-fence-happily-ever-after. No future. I was done falling in love, done trying, done holding on to people. But then I met her. And she changed my whole damn world in a way I could never imagine.  
I remember the first time I met her. Sam and I were on a job in Colorado. It was a ghoul hunt. We had called Bobby for some help and he’d been keeping tabs on us since. The ghoul was fast and clever, almost had us. He had Sam already knocked out on the floor of the dirty dungeon like place. He had his hands wrapped tightly around my neck. I was struggling in his grip, all the air already knocked out of my lungs. I knew I needed to do something, and fast, but before I even thought of something, I saw the light vanish from its eyes. His grip loosened on me, allowing me to fall free on my feet. When I looked up, the ghoul’s head was dropped on the ground in front of me, as his body followed. And behind him, I saw her. Her hands still up in air, holding the machete tightly in place, her face now sprayed in crimson red. Her hands fell to her sides as she let out a sigh as a faint smile started spreading across her face but instantly fell when she saw Sam limply sitting with his back supported with the wall. She hurried towards him and fell to her knees trying to check him for injuries. Fortunately, he was fine, just a little blow on his head that knocked him out but now he was coming back.  
“Are you okay?” she asked him.  
“Uh yea, yea.” He mumbled.  
He looked around for me and gave me a smile when he saw I was alright. She helped him up because apparently I was too busy in watching her. We went back to a diner where we could have a talk with her in a ‘little less depressing place’ as she said.  
She told us that when we didn’t return Bobby’s messages, he got worried so he sent her to look for us.  
“He was worried about you guys, so he called around. I was the closest hunter around therefore he asked for help and well, here I am.” She sat across from me holding her drink in her hands.  
“That’s great. Thanks for the help.” Sam thanked her giving her his boyish smile.  
“No problem.” She replied, smiling back as she took a sip from her drink, emptying the glass.  
“Uh I don’t think I caught your name.” I said to her to which she gave me a side smirk.  
“I never gave it to you.” She winked at me. With this she started standing up as I watched. I could see Sam grinning at me from the sidelines.  
“I got to go now. But I’m sure we’ll meet again someday and hopefully when no one’s dying.” She waved a last goodbye and then she was gone.  
I remember thinking that maybe I’ll never meet her again, and feeling sad about it? I was confused about why I felt that way about someone who I had just met. But maybe that’s because my heart deep down already knew that she wasn’t just someone.  
I met her again a couple months after, and this time I was adamant at not letting her go without telling her name. Well, eventually I was successful in getting her name; and her number as an extra bonus.  
The next few months I met her almost every now and then. There was something intoxicating about just being with her. Her laugh was contagious. I could swear that just having her along with us made me feel better, braver.  
I was driving down a deserted road, and she was sleeping in the passenger seat next to me. Her head rested on the window. I looked down towards her sleeping figure. There was no doubt that she was a brave badass hunter, but when I saw her sleeping, she looked so ....soft. Fragile even. I wanted to touch her, but it felt like if I did, I might break her.  
There was this thing about her. No matter how dark the situation, she always managed to beat it. And yes, Sam and I have faced some situations ourselves, but we could never do it the way she did, that is, without losing hope. No matter how crappy life got, she managed to smile through it.  
Soon enough we invited her to live with us at the Men of Letters Bunker. I told her and _myself_ that it was for her safety, but obviously that wasn't all. She hesitated at first but agreed soon. Now, that she started living with us, my feelings grew more prominent. I wasn’t able to ignore them anymore. I think I was in love with her. I don’t think there was a specific moment when that happened, I think it was the little things, but boy did I fall hard.  
She was nothing like me. I have always been practical and down to earth. Being in this life made me like this. But not her. She still believed in destiny and magic and true love. I thought of myself as a monster that didn’t deserve to be saved. But she always used to say, _not all monsters do monstrous things_ ;God knows where she got that from.  
I feared that I didn’t deserve her.  
We parked Baby in the middle of the clearing near town. It was something her and I had started doing whenever we had free time. It was her idea when we did this the first time. I climbed out of the car and rushed to her side and helped her out. She said something about being a gentleman. We sat at the hood of the car staring at the clear night sky that was filled with hundreds of stars. We would just sit in silence like that for hours sometimes, without saying a word to each other. She said she liked doing this because she got to look at the most beautiful sight in the world, it made her feel good. I liked doing this for the exact same reason. But the most beautiful sight for me wasn’t just the starry sky. My version of the most beautiful sight included her. The twinkle in her eyes as she stared at the sky, her lips spread across her face in that faint smile of awe. I would stare at her for straight up minutes at a time shamelessly like a creep.  
One of these nights I gathered my courage up to confess all my feelings to her. My heart couldn’t keep them in anymore. I needed her to know.  
And I still owe Sam to force me to do so. Because the feeling when her lips touched mine for the first time, the feeling when I heard her say that she loved me too...I could never explain it. I could only thank all the gods in the world for making me the luckiest man alive.  
How could such a small, hardcore person turn my life this much around? The way (y/n) danced around in my AC/DC t-shirt which didn’t fit her at all, but damn she still looked so beautiful. I didn’t know it was even possible to be so beautiful. She would tease me with the last slice of pie but always end up sharing it with me. She had to be the most perfect person in the whole world- I did not understand at all. She came out of nowhere, a perfect slice of fucking heaven right into my life. And most of all, she gave me hope. For once in a long time, I could see something in the future which was good. She saw me at my worst and still though I was the best. She made me believe again.  
We are at a church now. I don’t remember how things got to this. I can still feel the presence of the small velvet box in my jacket pocket. I was going to ask her to marry me. But now I am barely holding myself together. My back is supported by the wall, hands limply lying at my sides. My vision is blurry, but I can make out that someone is running towards me. I think its Sam.  
“Hey, hey, hey. Hang on buddy. Please.” He said. Panic clear in his voice. He was sitting down in front of me, holding me up by my shoulder while desperately muttering my name. I hear another set of footsteps enter. “Dean!”  
It was (y/n). She sprinted towards me dropping to her knees instantly. Hot wet streaks of tears streaming down her cheeks.  
“Dean! No! Please look at me!” she cried, cradling my head in her eyes.  
“(y/n)...” I forced myself to speak. “I... I’m...die..” she cut me off.  
“Hey! Shut up! You’re not dying, you listen to me? You’re not dying!” she said.  
I coughed out some blood to speak more clearly this time. “I...I wanted to tell you something...”  
“Okay, I’ll listen, but not now. You get better and then you tell me that okay? You’re not... you’re not going anywhere. You hear me?! ”  
I finally understood that happily ever afters were never made for someone like me. Maybe this was destiny's way of saying that I don't deserve her. I collected whatever strength that was remaining in me, “(y/n) I love you. I love you so much. But... It's better this way. I don't deserve you. Promise me you won’t try to bring me back and that you’ll move on. I ...”  
“What?! No! Dean? Dean?!” she cried. She shook my body and cried over and over, begging for it to move, but it didn't.  
I had started believing again, but I guess that wasn’t enough. She was my heaven, but maybe I was her hell. She’ll be better without me, I told myself, as I let myself go.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened after Dean let himself go when he got brutally injured during the hunt. After he decided that he wasn't good enough for you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the second part as promised. (I suck at summaries, I know )  
> This fic is in third person narrative.  
> I apologize about how late this chapter is, because I said I was working on it a long time back and I'm posting it now. I'm sorry but life got in the way.  
> It's not beta-d so any and all mistakes are mine.  
> Anyhow, enjoy! I hope you like it!  
> And feedback is always always loved and appreciated!  
> Happy reading. :)

“Sam?” The voice came from behind him, accompanied by a fluster of wings.  
“Cas? Where the hell have you been?!” Sam asked him in a worried and frustrated tone.  
“I am sorry Sam. I was held back due to some work in heaven. What’s wrong? Where’s Dean? And (y/n)?”  
“They’re...they’re inside. You just come with me.” Sam answered hurriedly as he was already rushing inside an adequately lit small room with pale white walls.  
The door closed behind Cas as he let himself in and his eyes travelled to the figure in the bed. Dean’s still body lying on it with tubes connecting it to various machines that gave out continuous beeps that filled the rather quite room. His eyes wandered to the chair that was placed close to the bed. You were occupying the said chair, holding one of Dean’s hands with both of yours, tightly, while gently rubbing your thumb at the back of his hand mindlessly. The sound of the door open and close made you look up towards the angel accompanying Sam.  
“Dean?” he said, more to himself.  
“Cas, just heal him please. He’s barely alive right now. Doctors don’t think he’s gonna make it. Please.” Sam pleaded.  
Cas took a glance towards (y/n) as he noticed her puffy eyes and wet cheeks from excessive crying. She was staring at him, silently begging for his help.  
He hovered over Dean’s sleeping figure across from her and gently touched pressed two fingers against his forehead.  
She could see the small cuts on his face disappear. Her eyes started glimmering with hope. “Is it working?” she asked Cas. Her voice was low and hoarse from not speaking for a long time. He raised his eyes to meet hers.  
“Uhm... I think. Yes.” He couldn’t hold the stare. He looked over to Sam who was standing near the door with his arms crossed over his chest to keep them from fidgeting.  
“Sam, can I talk to you outside for a moment please?” He asked Sam to which Sam’s hands immediately fell to his sides and he nodded. You looked over to him in confusion but he gave you an assuring nod as he walked out, followed by Cas.  
“What is it?” Sam asked him as soon as they were out in the hall.  
“I was able to heal all of his injuries but...”  
Cas looked down for a moment and let out a small sigh.  
“But I’m afraid his injuries are not the problem here.” He completed himself.  
Sam’s expressions suddenly dropped even more, if that was possible.  
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean, Sam, he should be awake now. But he isn’t. And I believe it’s because he doesn’t want to.”  
“He doesn’t want to? What are you saying Cas?”  
“I’m saying that he has given up. He is not fighting to stay. He has let go.”  
Sam ran a worried hand through his hair as he looked away for a moment.  
“No, no. He can’t just... he can’t just let go like that. No. I can’t let him do that.” He didn’t wait for Cas’ reaction.  
“No, Cas.,” he told him. “I can’t let him do that. I won’t! You gotta figure something out. Please. I beg you.”  
Cas looked around hesitantly.  
“There’s one thing we can try.” He told Sam.  
“Anything. Just tell me.”  
“I can let you inside his mind. I’m not sure if this would work but maybe you can try and bring him back from making this decision.”  
“Okay. Do it.” Sam answered in a heartbeat.  
Sam told (y/n) that Dean needed help internally as Cas said, but omitted the fact that the problem was that Dean didn’t want to come back. He wasn’t sure if he’ll be able to bring him back but it didn’t feel right to tell her this just yet. She insisted on helping but they decided that she needed to be there with Dean in case he woke up.  
\---------------  
“Can you believe her, Sam?” Dean’s voice hit Sam’s ears as his eyes focused the surroundings he was in. They were in the Impala, Dean was driving. Sam couldn’t trust his eyes, watching his brother well and fine, sitting right next to him, talking. “Hey, Sam? Did you even hear me man?”  
Sam realised now that he was staring at his brother so he quickly turned away with a series of rapid blinks. “Uh, no. I’m sorry. Come again?” he answered his brother, still adjusting in his seat.  
“I said, (y/n) asked me if we could get a dog. Can you believe her?” Dean filled him in.  
“She did? Well, I guess you should let her get one.”  
“Are you serious? You know that can’t happen, Sam. That would be a big problem.”  
‘Yeah, well. We have a bigger problem right now.” he said.  
Dean raised an eyebrow at him “Yea? What’s that?”  
“Problem is that you’re dying.” 

Dean’s expressions suddenly changed to a mixture of confused and shocked. He pulled the car over to the side of the empty road and turned towards his brother, giving him his full attention.  
“Come again?” he raised his eyebrows.  
“Dean, we were on a hunt. And you got hurt, badly. You’re lying on a hospital bed right now with (y/n) sitting by your side.” Sam explained.  
At first Dean furrowed his eyebrows in confusion but he slowly lowered his head seemingly understanding the situation.  
“You remember now?”  
Dean nodded.  
“Okay. Now we need to figure out how to bring you back to us.”  
“No.” His voice was strict. He was no longer confused.  
Sam let out a wry laugh. “What do you mean ‘no’?”  
“I mean no. I’m not coming back Sammy. I’m sorry.”  
Sam looked at him like a deer in headlight.  
“You’re wasting your time. Go back.”  
Sam scoffed at him.  
“So what? That’s it? You quit now? Is that what you’re saying?” He was hurt.  
“No.” Dean immediately said. “Maybe. Maybe I am. But this is for the better, Sam.”  
Dean fidgeted with the handle of the door on his side for a moment before yanking it open and crawling out of the car that suddenly felt so confining.  
Sam watched Dean run a hand on his face as he crawled out of the car too.  
“How in the hell is you being dead for the better Dean?” he asked his brother.  
Dean turned towards him.  
“Sammy, don’t you see? I’m poison. Everything that I get close to gets ruined. Look at you, if it wasn’t for me, you would be out there living a normal life...” “You don’t know that.” Sam cut him off.  
“But you could’ve had the chance.”  
“Fine. I’ll take that. But what about (y/n), Dean? What do you think will happen to her?”  
Dean couldn’t look at him anymore.  
“She’ll move on. She’ll find someone better. Someone who deserves to be with her.”  
“You don’t think that.” Sam countered. “Because if you did, you wouldn’t be planning on proposing to her.”  
Dean met his eyes once again. He was wondering how he knew about that. He had kept it a secret from everyone.  
“Yea, I found the ring in your jacket when they took it off at the hospital. And don’t worry, (y/n) doesn’t know about it. Not yet.”  
“Well, I was a fool to think that I could have a family. To think that I could be with her having the life I have. I was dreaming Sammy, but this is reality.”  
“Dean, you can still have that. You just have to come with me.”  
Sam took a careful step towards Dean but he raised his hands to stop him.  
“No Sam. I can’t.” His voice was low but determined.  
Sam’s voice was slightly raised this time as he spoke. “If not for me, please, do it for (y/n).”  
Dean opened his mouth to speak but didn’t. He saw this sudden glimmer of anger in Sam’s eyes.  
“You’ve got to come back for her. She lost everything a long time ago. Her family, friends. She’s barely breathing. This...this will break her, Dean. And she doesn’t deserve that.”  
Dean couldn’t do anything except to listen to his brother. Not like he wanted to. He just let him continue.  
“Do you know what kind of miracle it is, that (y/n) is who she is? Do you know how rare it is that someone like her even exists? She still has hope. She still believes in true love and magic and soul mates. God knows how, but she still sees a light at the end of the tunnel.”  
He let out a small sigh. His voice fell.  
“She’s waiting for you Dean. And if you don’t come back from this, you will change who she is.”

“What’s happening?”  
“I...I don’t know.”  
The machines were beeping differently from their constant pattern. A nurse rushed into the room immediately handling the situation and also calling for the doctor on call.  
“What’s the matter?” (y/n) asked her nervously as she silenced the machines.  
“He’s fighting the intubation.” She answered in a rush as she proceeded to remove the said intubation.  
A smile immediately formed across her face which didn’t go unnoticed by Cas who was standing near the door across from her.  
“Is that a good thing?” he asked. She wasn’t sure if the question was meant for her or the nurse but it didn’t matter to her.  
“Yes.” She managed through your smile which was now mirrored by Cas.  
She watched from the side lines as the doctor and nurse helped Dean, who was now breathing on his own. “What now?” (y/n) asked the doctor as she started walking out.  
“He’s still sedated but he should start coming out of it now. I can’t tell you more about his injuries as I still have to go through his chart but I think he’ll be just fine.”  
The smile on her face forgot all boundaries as her eyes started glimmering. She looked over to Cas who was smiling back at her, his smile matching hers.  
She muttered a thank you to the doctor as she took her seat back by Dean’s side and took his hand into hers.  
She saw his eyes fluster a little before he opened them slowly, taking in his surroundings. His eyes took some time to adjust to the lighting in the room but as soon as they did, his eyes landed on you. He gave you a lopsided smile as your stares connected.  
“Hey.” He said weakly.  
She pressed his hand tightly. “Hey, old man.”  
He let out a chuckle.  
“I thought I lost you for a second there.” There was hurt in her voice but her smile didn’t fade.  
“I guess you're stuck with me for a long time now.”  
She grinned at him. "I wouldn't have it any other way."  
He straightened himself in his bed with her help. She didn’t realize that Cas was no longer in the room, her whole attention was on the love of her life, back with her, alive.  
He raised his hand to her cheeks and lightly brushed his fingers over them.  
He was taking her in. Her face, her smile, her eyes. Just like they always were, the ones he fell in love with. He was realising that his life may be hell, but this, right here, was worth not giving up.  
Just then the door of the hospital room swung open and in came his brother and Cas. Sam quickly closed the distance between them and took Dean into a bear hug. Dean joked about not being able to breathe but Sam didn’t care. He was happy to see his brother alive.  
The four of them talked for a while just sitting there. This family, yet small and broken, was together. Everything was good in the world again. As Sam and Cas talked to Dean, they realised that he didn’t remember anything about when he was out. About wanting to let go. It was for the good, they thought, so they didn’t care to tell either of them about that. What was necessary was that he was okay.  
“Okay guys, not that I’m complaining but I really need to get out of this hell hole. This place is making me nauseous.” Dean said to all of you, pushing down his covers.  
“Yeah we should leave this place soon. I don’t think it’ll take much time for the doctors to realise that your life threatening injuries just vanished into thin air.” (y/n) said.  
“I wonder if they’ll think of us as miracle workers or satan worshippers.” Sam added earning a laugh out of everyone.  
“Come on.” She said to Dean as she let out a hand to help him out of the bed.

Dean’s stomach was in shambles.  
“You’re a stupid man you know that?”  
You felt the Impala’s engine stop.  
“Yeah but I’m _your_ stupid man.” You heard Dean reply.  
(y/n) groaned. “Why can’t you just tell me what’s with the blindfold already?”  
“All I can tell you right now that this is the only thing in my life that I’m sure is a hundred percent not-stupid.”  
Dean could practically feel the eye-roll from behind her blindfold. She was pouting like a toddler. He got out of the car and rushed to your side to help you out of the car. He held you with one hand to guide you until he stopped at a place and asked you to stop there too.  
“Can I take this off now?” She tried to sound frustrated but that didn’t work well with the smile on her face. She raised her hand near the blindfold when Dean’s hand caught it.  
“Wait. Let me.” He insisted.  
He undid the blindfold on her eyes and backed off. She opened her eyes slowly to find herself at the place she knew all too well and had come to love. She was at the clearing near the bunker. The sky was clear, making way for all the stars to shine ever so brightly. But this time they weren’t the sight for attention for her. Herr attention was more on the ground that was illuminated by uncountable number of candles and she seemed to be in the center of them. She noticed a little note that was sitting near her feet. She carefully picked it up and read the little message on it.  
_Turn around_ it read.  
She did as it said, but as soon as she did, the note fell to the ground as her hands cupped her face to cover her mouth. Was she crying?  
Dean was kneeling in front of her with a small box in his hand in which sat a beautiful ring.  
“(y/n),” He was looking into her eyes. “I love you. I have loved you since the moment I saw you. And I never want to be without you, ever.”  
She took a step forward towards him nodding her head because she couldn’t stop.  
“No, wait. I got the whole speech prepared. Let me say this.” He stood up and took a step towards her, taking her hand in his.  
She stopped and gave him the best smile she had, asking him to continue, barely containing herself.  
“(y/n), before I met you I was barely breathing. I had given up on almost everything. But you... you made me a believer again. You say that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, but I think I’ve already found it. It’s like I was drowning and you saved me. And I know its difficult having a family, living the life that we do, but I’m willing to give my all to have a shot at it with you. So, (y/f/n) (y/l/n), will you marry me?”  
As soon as the last words fell out of his mouth, she jumped him, crying and laughing with glee, hugging him tightly, muttering yeses over and over in his ear, her voice thick with emotion.  
He slid the ring onto her finger as she looked at him like his eyes had all the stars of the universe.  
Dean never believed in true love and soul mates, but if any of that existed, he was sure she was his. True love. Soul mate. _Everything_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the lines in this are from the show Greys Anatomy so all credit to them. I simply found them beautiful so I wanted to use them here. I don't own those lines. :)

**Author's Note:**

> Requests and/or suggestions are open, just comment them here or send an ask to my tumblr @waif-of-the-night  
> Leave a kudos or comment or both if you like what you're reading. They really encourage me and make my day! :D


End file.
